DECEMBER 1980-HIGH GEAR Page 9

The Gay Lifestylemneq eVSD 120M 21A

By Tom Villella ► Dear Tom:

I told my mother that I'm gay. and on the phone, she said she couldn't be my mother if I'm gay. My brother says he will kill me if he catches me with a man. My mom used to write me four times a week ... now I haven't heard from her in four months. What can I do? Help them to understand me.

Dear Richard:

Richard D.

I won't print the city you are in but it appears to be small and rural. My first impulse was to suggest that you guide mom towards "Parents of Gays" but

of mind, she is ready for it. Keep it for later. The same with several books on helping parents to cope with gay children: "My Son Eric" by Mary V. Borhek: "Now That You Know: What Every Parent Should Know About Gays" by Fairchild and Hayward and "Straight Answers About Homosexuality for Straight Readers" by David Loovis. All three books are essential to parents... and yours should receive copies. ONLY after communication lines are once more open and free. At the moment, they would consider any attempt by yourself or an outside source, meddling.

You have made a declaration, that is enough. Now, keep the don't think, in her current frame communications going into the

Notable quote

Anita Bryant as quoted by Cliff Jahr in an article entitled "Anita Bryant's Startling Reversal" In the December 1980 issue of Ladies' Home Journal:

"Fundamentalists have their head in the sand. The church is sick right now and I have to say I'm even part of that sickness. I often have had to stay in pastors' homes and their wives talk to me. Some pastors are so hard-nosed about submission and insensitive to their wives' that they don't recognize the frustrations--even hatred-within their own households. Some of them are going to be shocked to end up in my boat."

"I guess that I can better understand the gays' and the feminists' anger and frustration. As for the gays, the church needs to be more loving, unconditionally, and willing to see these people as human beings, to minister to them and try to understand. If I had to do it over I'd do it again, but not in the same way."

"I could see that a lot of people got involved in the crusade who had a personal vendetta against gays. They harbored hatreds. They were as wrong as the gay extremists were and they're going to hate Anita Bryant for saying that."

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household, birthday cards. Christmas cards, little notes, etc. that, in essence, say "I STILL love you." But in your notes. don't make references to your sexuality. unless you are asked a question. They must adjust to a violation of middle-classism... and possibly their religious ideas.

At this point, you are pretty much alone. It is a painful, puzzling and a thoroughly bewildering situation. I suggest you dou ble your efforts in school or work to take your mind off this prob' lem. I do believe they will come around and see your point ONLY if you remain almost aloof to their verbal abuse and rise above it. That you are being ostracized from the family structure due to your sexuality is another indication of how much work needs to be done to inform the general public that different lifestyles exist, and different attitudes in no way diminish a person's worth or value

Good luck to you. Richard. Let me know how it works out. One last thought: Most cities have a Family Counseling Service. a non-profit organization. that Ideals with such problems: not specifically gay problems, but problems between young people and families Check your yellow pages under Social Service organizations There should be no charge for their services.

Send questions to THE GAY LIFESTYLE. c/o HIGH GEAR, P.O. Box 6177. Cleveland, OH 44101.

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